His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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