I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
