I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
