If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
