She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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