he thought i was a dude.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
