I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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