She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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