K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
