I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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