never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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