I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
