honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
