I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
