the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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