You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I did not marry a roomba.
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