we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
