I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
