I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
