Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
