I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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