Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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