"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
