Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
