she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
