just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
