I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
