I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
