Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
