I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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