Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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