There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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