I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
