Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
