I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
