Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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