You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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