Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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