You did not just play the dead husband card again.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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