youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
