my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
