Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
