Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
