Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
