Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
