what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
