I accidentally had phone sex last night
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
