Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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