Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
