It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
