thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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