I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
